Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
