my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
