any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
