i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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