If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
