You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
