porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Randomize
