it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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