I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
