I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Let's get the cat blown out
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
