dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
