i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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