sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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