She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
