my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
