They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
