you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
