Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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