nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She said her name was "party"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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