she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
