I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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