My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
