i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
