Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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