"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
