Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
