I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
