Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
