my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
