More tranny stories later!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
