I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
