john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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