omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
