bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
