FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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