nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
