drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
