We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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