my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
