i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
