Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
