Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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