It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
