I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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