Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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