doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
