Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
