I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
