I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
