So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
